Satire · Written by the neighbors
Not LEV’EL’s brochure. Left side: LEV’EL’s real marketing, quoted. Right side: what the neighbors hear.
LEV’EL · The Neighbors’ Edition · Our spaces
Sixteen thousand square feet. The music always finds the part with no roof.
Why keep a DJ in a soundproofed ballroom when you can share him with an entire block, free of charge?
LEV’EL says
What the neighbors hear
The footprint
LEV’EL says
“LEVEL offers four stunning forums across 16,500 square feet, bookable individually or combined for larger events or versatile layouts.”
What the neighbors hear
16,500 square feet, and the amplified music keeps landing on the 3,800 of them that are open to the sky.
Parody
The Lounge · 4,000 sq ft · 250 guests
LEV’EL says
“The Lounge — Designed for cozy gatherings”
What the neighbors hear
Walls. A ceiling. Doors that actually close. Frankly, a little too considerate for our taste.
Parody
The Gala · 4,000 sq ft · 300 guests
LEV’EL says
“The Gala — Crafted for grand events”
What the neighbors hear
Room for 300 guests and a full sound system. Tragically, it's indoors, where only the people who paid can hear it.
Parody
The Garden · 3,800 sq ft · 340 guests
LEV’EL says
“The Garden — Created for open air celebrations”
What the neighbors hear
Our crown jewel. Open air, open sky, and an open line into every bedroom across the alley. Why keep 340 guests' worth of bass to yourself?
Parody
The Glass Room · 1,700 sq ft · 120 guests
LEV’EL says
“the glass room — Created for your small celebrations”
What the neighbors hear
Glass walls keep the sound in. Which is exactly why nobody puts the DJ in there.
Parody
Flexibility
LEV’EL says
“LEVEL is designed to adapt to your vision with flexible layouts and countless configurations perfect for any event.”
What the neighbors hear
Countless configurations. In every single one, the speakers face the apartments.
Parody